Joy in Restoration

Do you know what's super awesome? When God takes my lame parenting moments and totally redeems them.

We had a morning last week that was pretty rough. One of my kiddos has the uncanny ability to push the buttons of every single member of our family. He just knows exactly what to say to start an argument. This particular morning, he was thriving in his button-pushing and had successfully caused many arguments and thus we had a very grumpy group.

I was making breakfast and packing school lunches and half-heartedly trying to stop the arguing when this kiddo turned his attention towards me. At this point, I had seen what was happening and was frustrated. I turned to him and said, "You know what? You are the problem."

Oh man. I didn't even say, “You are being a problem” or “You are causing problems right now.” No, I literally told him he WAS the problem.

Mom of the year, right there. Ugh.

His entire body deflated in front of my eyes, he lowered his head and walked out of the kitchen and into the guest bedroom.

I turned back around and Emanuel had just walked into the room with raised eyebrows. I immediately began to justify myself and explain all the ways our son had been causing problems all morning. Emanuel nodded and didn't say anything. He didn't need to. I knew I shouldn't have said it.

Emanuel left for work and I finished up breakfast with the other kids. Then I sent them upstairs to get dressed. I knew that I needed to apologize. I knew that I shouldn't have used that tone and those words, and I shouldn't have said it in front of the other kids. But I was also miffed at him for causing such a chaotic morning. I didn't want to just let him off the hook with my apology. I wanted him to see the chaos that he had caused! I didn't have a soft heart towards him, I was just frustrated.

We were getting close to needing to leave for school and I knew that I needed to go and talk to him. I stood outside the guest bedroom and looked up at the ceiling and prayed, "God, I need your help here. I know that was ugly and I need to apologize, but I don't have a soft heart towards him right now. I'm super frustrated. I have no idea what to say, can you help me?"

I walked into the room and saw that he had climbed under the covers and had been crying. When I sat on the edge of the bed, he rolled his body away from me. My heart softened immediately and I was genuinely sorry. In my head I prayed, "Thank you for softening me, Lord."

I asked him, "Buddy are you crying because I said that you are the problem?" He nodded and begin to cry again.

I took both of his hands in mine, I looked into his eyes and said "I am so sorry that I said that. I shouldn't have said that to you, I shouldn't have said it in front of the other kids, it wasn't kind, it was wrong, and I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?

He sniffed and nodded.

Then the next words tumbled out of my mouth and I'm telling you they were from the Spirit because before that, I literally had no thoughts. I hadn't known what to say.

I said "Buddy, it takes many parts to make a car run, but it's the steering wheel that directs it where to go. When it comes to the kids in our family, you are the steering wheel. Even though you aren't the oldest, you have the ability to steer our mornings and our activities. Even dad and I can be in a great mood and be happy and encouraging but you still steer the kids. It's not bad, it's a good thing, it’s how God made you. You are a leader. But with that ability to steer, comes responsibility. You have the ability to steer in a good direction which is encouraging and positive or a bad direction which is arguing and negative. This morning, you steered in a negative direction and it made for a very hard morning.

By this time, his entire demeanor had changed. He was sitting up and leaning in. He had a thoughtful look on his face. 

He had been built up, he had been gently corrected, and he had been restored.

To my surprise, he apologized. Then we hugged and he headed upstairs. Now I'm telling you, the rest of that day and our week was completely different. Several times I saw him steer a situation in a positive direction and I went out of my way to praise him for it. It has been such a joy to watch. 

I'd love to take credit, but it was so obviously the Lord, that I can't even pretend it was me. I had no thoughts, a rigid heart, I wouldn't have even known how to gently correct and build him up at the same time. All I did was ask for help and God graciously answered.

I really do hate when I'm a jerk to my kids and I pray that I am less and less. But I'm thankful when it does happen, that God in His kindness, can redeem it for good through my repentance and dependence on Him. I believe it is His joy to do so, and our joy to experience His unrelenting grace.

Photo by mostafa meraji on Unsplash